I haven’t been posting, well, at all, and I don’t have a good excuse. I’m unemployed and am done school and I am home from Africa. All three of those things have contributed to my current bummed out state of mind (please excuse the realness that is going to hit you right about now).
I feel like this every time I travel - whether it be for 5 months or for 1 week - but when I come home I get, not depressed, but am not my enthusiastic and motivated self.
It might be because when I travel, I am doing something every day and am around people at all hours and when I come home, I usually don’t have plans for every day and I don’t have roommates to keep me entertained and distracted by my thoughts (as lame as that sounds).
When you travel, you make a sort of new life and you grow accustom to new ways of living and having new friends around you at all times… then it all has to stop and you will never be able to experience it again because you will never be in that same place with the same people again. So I now have a love/hate relationship with traveling. Which is unfortunate.
Now it doesn’t help that I do not have a job. I’ve applied for a couple things - nothing I really want to do (I also don’t know what I want to do anymore, but that is a whole other blog post in itself). I now have to get a part time job while I look for a full time job. I think this is the worst stage in a (North American) person’s life. Well maybe not, because some people go to school and actually get a job right out of it. Me on the other hand, nothing. Being unemployed just gives me more time to think about Africa and lurk my friends’ statuses about how much fun they are having there still (some stayed longer but I didn’t have the money to extend my trip) - And it doesn’t help when they message me telling me how much they wish I went on the 10 day tour with them and that they miss me.
And on top of all that - the thought of not going to school in September scares me and bums me out all at the same time. Basically because, well, I do like learning and all that, but what I’ll miss most is the people (Kristina especially, yes, you girl). We have been with each other basically every day for the last 4 years and knowing that I won’t see her as much literally kills me. From what I’ve learnt traveling is that you really learn who your true friends are, and she has stuck by me for so long and I couldn’t be more happy to have her in my life. I’m a pretty lucky gal.
I also am just scared that I don’t have any “for sure-ness” in my life. The future is literally all up to me and it is my responsibility to do what I want with it. But it is hard when I don’t know what I want to do with it. It is a mystery and unpredictable and that scares the shit out of me. I just want to succeed and make my family proud.
Well, that is all for now. Bear with me while I try and figure my life out.
Hopefully I’ll be more positive soon - I just need more gooby in my life.
One day i’ll write about my time in Africa…
Africa Sun
They were my favourite.
good summer tunage.
tags:suckers
Being sick on a Saturday night means watching this.
It was actually a good episode. So. much. breaking.
Oh this was a good part too.
(Source: steph-was-here)
